The End (or The Beginning)

Post- Puerto Rico

Its been a few weeks since Ive returned from Puerto Rico and I miss is sooooo much.

The last month I was there I stayed with my Uncle Orlando. I spent alot of time watching TV, helping my cousin Suhei with her English homework and babysitting babies.

While at my Uncle Orlandos, we made a few day trips to Corozal to meet Carmen's (my dads mother) family. The trip went very well. We got along well and I was able to get names, phone numbers and pictures of a few of my dads family -many that he has never even met!





The last few weeks in my Uncles house, it really started to set in that I was going to leave and it felt bittersweet. On one hand I couldn't wait to get back to school and on the other hand I really didnt want to leave.

The day before my flight I went with my Aunt Ada to Fajardo. We got to look out over the beach at some of the smaller islands off of Puerto Rico. We collected sea shells (soooooo many here!) and drove around taking pictures.





I felt like Id just started to make connections with my family and feeling comfortable enough to fully be myself and it was already time to go. :( Even though there were days where I did absolutely nothing, just being on the island and around my family was enough. I loved to see them do their normal everyday things and I really enjoyed being apart of their lives.

The days before my flight out were the worst. I really didnt want to leave. Sitting in the airport, I was tempted to just run back out the doors and stay there forever. My cousins were texting me and some of their texts made me sad to leave. They told me they loved me and to come back and visit them soon--which I promised to do.

Now that Ive had a few weeks to think about what exactly Ive gotten out of this trip I think I can say that I feel legitimate (maybe complete?) now. Ive learned alot more than I planned to. I didnt learn that much spanish but thats okay because I learned alot about myself.

My entire life Ive known that I was 1/2 Puerto Rican but I never had any real claim to it.

-Id never been to Puerto Rico
-I couldnt speak Spanish
-I didnt know the first thing about how to "be" Puerto Rican

But now, after this trip, I feel like I can say that "I am Puerto Rican" and not feel guilty about it or worry about people asking probing questions about my legitimacy.

-Have you ever been there? (No)
-Do you speak Spanish? (Not well)

This trip has given me a real grasp of who I am and what being Puerto Rican means to me. I dont think Ive fully thought out everything Ive learned yet and I dont think I will ever understand it completely but right now I am incredibly happy with what I have learned.

This trip has given me confidence and allowed me to explore and learn about a part of my history and self that has been missing for too long. I can say now that Ive actually been to Puerto Rico. I have names of family members attached to faces. I know that if I ever want to go back I have alot of people who will welcome me into their homes. The connections I made to my family members means the world to me. It makes me happy just knowing that they are in my life.

While I was there, I never felt like I was unwelcome, there were times I felt uncomfortable but never unwelcome. If theres one thing I can say about Puerto Ricans, its that once your in, your in. They love you unconditionally. They care about you no matter what. And they grow as attached to you as you do to them.

Leaving Puerto Rico was hard but I know that I will come back. I made a promise that I would and until then, the memories and the pictures I have will have to suffice. They have truely given me a new understanding of who I am and a better look into the life of my father.

I only wish I could have went sooner.

Te Amo Mucho mis Familia! (I really love my family)
Gracias por todo! (Thank you for everything)

This trip has meant more to me than I can describe in words